The Search for Soaring Hawk

The Search for Soaring Hawk GENRE Gay • Historical • Multi-cultural • Western • Erotic Romance
ISBN 9781611524246

E-Book: JMS Books LLC | Amazon Kindle Unlimited
Print: JMS Books LLC | Amazon


Son of an Indian brave and a white captive, Soaring Hawk is raised in the native customs. As he grows into manhood, he discovers his desire for the love of men. Knowing the fate of those of ‘two spirits’ within his tribe, he leaves the Indian village, disguises his heritage, and enters the white man’s world as Samuel Hawkins.

He soon discovers life is difficult for a man who prefers men. While he finds companionship, and forms bonds with many of the men he meets, he is unable to find a relationship which satisfies his deepest need. He also discovers much of what is in the world outside his village conflicts with the values of his native upbringing.

He embarks on an odyssey which takes him across the continent and into the arms and beds of many lovers. As he travels, he comes to realize love has many forms. But the one he seeks most continually eludes him.

Where will his odyssey lead him? Will he ever come to the end of his search for Soaring Hawk?


    Sam stood on the bank of the pond, staring into the water. On the other side, a family of loons searched for food among the reeds. A beaver swam toward its lodge carrying a branch. The young loons, some of them paddling in the water, some on the backs of the parents, seemed, to Sam, to be content: a feeling that was far from him at that moment.

    He reached down and scratched Wolf's ear. The animal was watching the birds and the rodent intently.

    “You leave them be,” Sam said. “You got no cause to be hunting them. I feed you well enough.”

    Wolf looked up and whined softly, shifting his weight from paw to paw, as if to say, “Yeah, but the wolf part of me wants to hunt.”

    Wolf turned his head away from the pond. Sam followed his gaze. He heard a noise. Garrett was approaching from the direction of thicket, where, apparently, Todd still lay sleeping. He turned back to the pond. Garrett walked up behind him, encircling Sam's waist with his strong arms, burying his face in his neck, caressing him. Sam leaned back into the embrace and closed his eyes, sighing deeply.

    “What's wrong?” Garrett's deep voice again resonated throughout Sam's body.

    Sam sighed again. He turned without breaking the hold in which Garrett held him. He looked deeply up into the eyes of the man he could no longer deny he had feelings for.

    “I love you,” Sam said simply. When he said these words, however, he felt turmoil inside.

    Garrett smiled and gently kissed him. He looked at Sam with his head slightly cocked to one side. He reminded Sam of Wolf, when his faithful companion was trying to understand the strange vocalizations his master was uttering.

    Garrett said, “But???”

    “But?” Sam repeated.

    “I love you, but ...?” Garrett said. “I know there's a 'but' in there someplace. Not as cute as this butt, though.” He dropped his hands and gave Sam's bottom a squeeze.

    “Garrett, I'm serious.” Sam broke the embrace and walked a few steps away.

    “I know you are,” said the wagon master. “I'm sorry.”

    “You're right,” Sam said. “There is a 'but'.”

    Sam leaned his shoulder against a willow tree that grew on the bank. Garrett walked up behind him once more and also leaned against a limb with one hand, waiting for Sam to continue.

    Sam took his time. Still staring at the family of loons, he said, “I love you but ... I love Todd, too.” He turned to Garrett. “I can see Todd loves you and yet he says he loves me. How can I love you, and Todd? How can you love each other and me?”

    Garrett smiled and pulled Sam against his chest. Sam laid his head on the man's broad shoulder, and, for an instant, felt as if he were one of the loon chicks secure on the strong back of his father.

    After a minute had passed, Garrett said. “You got the wrong idea about love, my man.”

    Sam raised his head and looked questioningly up into Garrett's face. “I don't understand.”

    Garrett gently pressed Sam's head back down against his shoulder. “You think love has to be a permanent thing, that it's exclusive between two people.”

    Sam wrinkled his brow against Garrett's breast, trying to understand.

    Garrett continued. “Love can be that: permanent and exclusive, but it don't have to be. Love is a feelin'. You can't control havin' it, any more 'n you can control not havin' it. If I love you, it don't mean I shouldn't or can't love Todd, or Gus, or even a hundred other people. And to try not to feel it when it's there, as plain as the nose on your face, it can make you miserable inside. Especially if you think it's wrong to feel that way.

    Garrett paused. Sam thought about what he had just heard. It made sense to him on some level. But, when he had been with Nils, he had felt love for none other, and felt no desire for any other love. But there, he didn't have others to love. There was just him and Nils. Would he have loved Garrett if he had been there as well?

    “Another thing about love,” Garrett was continuing. “It don't have to last forever. If you feel it for someone for an hour, a day, or a week, and then it goes, that's all right. It ain't wrong to have it be for a short time. It's a good feeling and should be shared and enjoyed. Not something to be ashamed of, or regret if it don't last. So, if you love someone, tell 'em. You'll both feel good.”

    Sam raised his head once more.

    “I love you, Sam,” said Garrett.

    “I love you, too,” Sam replied. This time he felt better saying it, but he still felt something was missing, something he couldn't quite understand.

    The two men walked back toward where Todd lay sleeping. Sam turned back to the pond.

    “Wolf,” he called. You leave them loons alone!”

    Wolf reluctantly turned and walked back to his master, with his head down and tail dragging.